How To Motivate Someone? A Vital EQ Skill

Every individual needs to be motivated at some point of his life – be it the CEO, a housewife or a student. Just like we need medicines to keep our body healthy and fight illness, motivation is a mental tablet. Motivators are high on Emotional Quotient, executing a truly valuable life skill.

A person who motivates is a friend in need, philosopher and guide, a guru and a coach. But one has to know you cannot simply become a motivator.

Motivation is not just throwing around free advice. Motivating someone needs patience, understanding and most of all, attention. Motivators are good leaders and can turn someone’s life around. Before you motivate someone, check if you have the space to do it. Helping is great but one must be compassionate as well as wise.

First of all, we need to understand who needs motivation. They can be two types of people among your friends, team and family. The first type are the ones who are feeling tired, defeated or frustrated for a short period or pertaining to a particular incident. The second type are those people who have been feeling low for longer periods of time, have lost interest in life, feeling like a victim or showing signs of social anxiety disorder. These people need to be motivated differently.

The first type is easier to motivate, they need a little help and nudge. Conversely for the second type, things are complicated.

How To Motivate Someone Who Is Depressed 

A depressed person has the most need for motivation. But in the state of depression, they become touchy and sensitive. Even a good intending statement can make them feel worse.

The depressed people are the second type. If you jump into fixing their ‘problems’ it will not help them. In fact it might put them off, making it difficult for both of you. Often depressed people need to ‘talk it out’, which makes them feel lighter. If they do, let them do it. Do not cut them off or judge. Depressed people have a lot of unexpressed emotions toiling inside. They need to see it for themselves and talking it out helps.

How To Motivate Someone who is depressed

One of the mistakes motivators do is that they try to give an instant solution. Remember that the depressed person is not in your state. There is a big gap between you two. You are in a relatively more positive state and you are looking at the problem in an unattached way. The other person who is ‘in’ the problem cannot see it the way you do. Your job here is not to give the solution on a plate but to raise him up so that he can see it for himself. That is the only way you can help him.

Never criticize the depressed person as the person is feeling bad enough. If he is doing something wrong which needs to be corrected, explain it to him softly and nicely. Kind words go a long way.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

However do not be artificial. Fake words are not that effective and eventually it will stop working. If you want to help a depressed person, sometimes a little change helps. Opening the windows to let in air and light, a change of fresh bed cover, a nice meal in a quiet place – little things help to shift the vibes. That way the person would be more open to help and change. But remember these are not solutions. Do not  push them. Listening to their problems, telling them that you love and support them and making them feel peaceful are way more powerful and helpful.

If the person feels suicidal, needs professional or medical help, help him take the steps without delay.

Motivators are heroes and every society needs them. On the other hand, motivators need to have a keen eye, a good ear and tons of patience.

How To Motivate Someone Who Is Lazy 

Generally a lazy person is the ‘first type’ we spoke of earlier. Not many people know that laziness is a problem with epidemic proportions. It affects us and we are not even alarmed. Laziness is not called one of the Seven Deadly Sins without a reason.

Being lethargic or lazy is not considered serious because it does not affect anyone directly as no action is done. There seems to be no hazards of inactivity , so we simply ignore it. Nevertheless it will not be wrong to compare laziness  with slow poisoning. Nothing happens apparently, whereas inside it does not let one grow. It also kills the buds and the saplings that would have made your personality.

Calling a lazy ‘lazy’ on the face may not help on a long term basis. Laziness is a lack of motivation and if it goes unchecked for a long time, may turn into depression.

Why do we feel lazy? We have all been through this at some point in our life. When we are forced to do something we do not enjoy for a length of time, we lose interest in life. We do want to wake up every day looking forward to the day.

No one is born lazy. With the right motivation, you can turn around a lazy person easily. All you have to know what has been bothering them. Replace that with what they like. Create a plan so that they can achieve what they want. It will automatically create energy and negate lethargy.

While you motivate someone who is lazy, you should also look at their physical condition. Are they sleeping enough? Are they having a balanced diet? Also going to a false guru or prophet can have reverse effects on our psyche as they commonly misdirect people regarding their health, food, mental health etc.

Laziness can be easily overcome if you hit the right point. Motivate people to take care of their health and body. A daily walk in a quiet park will be a booster for them. A light exercise, music, spending time in nature, dancing, swimming are all laziness busters. However the opposite of laziness is not physical activity. It is joy. If we are truly happy, lethargy does not touch us.

Related: Flower power – stirring quotes by great writers and masters

How To Motivate Someone To Lose Weight And Get Fit 

It is very important to motivate someone to stay fit and healthy. Each one of us needs it. Yet we gain unnecessary weight and make ourselves unfit. If you need to motivate someone who needs to lose weight, it could be either a first or second type of person as we said earlier.

The first type is easy to fix. Explain to them nicely that they are unfit. They need to fix it before physical complications arise. Maybe it is their lifestyle, it is their diet. A little nudge and check from your side will motivate them. Do not make it a one-time conversation. Keep helping and motivating them from time to time. Send them recipes of healthy food, where or how they can exercise, show them pictures of fit people. Do not criticize them. If you need to be firm, be that but without putting them down. As a motivator you should show them their better version if they cannot see it for themselves. But first you need to see it yourself. If you keep yourself fit and healthy, that is the best. Examples serve the best way. Soon enough, through your positivity they will be motivated to change themselves.

For the second type of people, it will be good if you find out the cause. Maybe they have been overfed or overweight since childhood. Maybe they have a physical problem like asthma or a pain that is keeping them physically unfit to exercise. It could also be that they are binge eating to overcome depression or stress. Sometimes, it could be simpler like they do not know what is healthy food and lifestyle.

If you could talk to them and hear them out, probably it will help you find  a way to motivate them. Do not call them ‘fat’, as the word had gathered too much pessimism and unhelpfulness. If you have to motivate someone your job is to make them feel better about themselves. You have to give them hope and let them pursue it. Your job is to plant a little sapling of optimism in them and motivate them to grow it into a big tree.

How To Motivate Someone to live a happy life


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